Austin woke up in the middle of the night crying. Normally I wouldn’t think anything of this, but he was rolling around like something hurt.. that uncontrollable cry. It’s the worst. So I gave him some Tylenol and got up and walked around holding him until he was calm enough to let me rock him. I’m still not completely sure what was wrong – possible ear infection – pending on what the doctor says.
But as I was sitting there in the middle of the night, rocking him in the quiet I kept thinking about how blessed I am to hold this beautiful child God gave me. God gave me Austin, in all his stubbornness, toddler fits, sweet kisses and playful spirit.
It’s crazy to even think about life without him now. He’s my little buddy, my sidekick, always there with me. Except for the occasional adult only gatherings.. which are rare because I can hardly stand to be without him.
I always wanted a girl.. I thought I needed a girl.. everyone else thought I needed a girl.. because well, I’m girly. I like shopping and makeup and girl stuff.
But actually, a girl is not what I needed. Austin was what I needed and God knew it. He knew it before I was even a thought in my mom and dad’s head. He knew Austin would be mine.
He knew I needed a wild little boy to keep me on my toes, teach me it’s okay to get dirty, take risks and do things I never thought I’d do. He’d teach me to face my fears head on because my little Austin was worth anything hard.
In fact, even Austin’s birth was NOT how I planned. He came into the world fast.. no time for pain medication.. it was definitely not in my plan to give birth naturally. I wanted that epidural in the parking lot when I arrived.. but nope.. not with Austin. So even in the beginning I faced a fear – I still can’t believe I gave birth naturally. That was only by the grace of God.
Each day I’m tested with Austin, but I’m learning lessons. One of those is that perfection is my burden. I strived for perfection without realizing it.. from a clean house to the perfect outfit. But in my days since my sweet baby arrived I’m learning to live in the moments with him.. that following God is my calling and right now that calling is to be a mom who loves Christ.